“Welcome to Crotchercise. Now open your legs. No! Not down at your toes. All the way up to your upper inner thighs and down to your lower middle body - commonly known as the crotch, the center of all movement, the point where legs meet torso; the central nexus necessary to move the whole leg up or down with a dancer's grace and control.”
“But wait!?,” pleaded Joe Schnurd to his dance instructor. “These movements are changing me to my very core. They come from muscles that have been long forgotten in the male body. The movement comes from the bottom of my torso, the Crotch.”
Ignoring him, she continues patiently, “Now do some deep knee bends in turned out position. - Use the bars for support, if you need to. - You're moving too fast. Move down slowly. What’s the rush? That's right. Open a little more. No! Not in Your Knees. Higher up.
Thrust your crotch out and tuck your bottom in! Don't be shy! Now move up slowly, with control, like you mean it, as if you enjoy it. Love it! Move it! Make it yours. Don't rush through the movement like you've got somewhere to go. You are there in the omni-present Now.”
“Eeyikes!?!” bleated Joe.
“What's the matter?” asked Joe's dance instructor.
“To be honest I’m a little self conscious.”
“Let it disappear. Our goal here is to get you into your body, out of your mind. We want you to stretch out and feel good.”
As Joe's rose, he said breathlessly, “To make my movement slow and controlled, I must use my upper, inner thighs. It’s scary, but feels so good. It sends an electro-shock up and down my spine.”
“Good! It shows you are awakening the Kundalini Serpent [i] within.”
“I don't know that I can handle the energy.”
“Don't fight it! Become a helpless slave to it.” His dance instructor continued emotionlessly, “Most males develop the outside of their legs, because of all the sports, running fast, jumping high, quantum bursts of big outer muscles. What we are training here, with your wife's assistance, of course, are your more subtle inner muscles, more important for lovemaking, useless in time of battle or war. Great for balance and control - useless against bullets and bombs.”
“See what did we tell you. Joe Schnurd’s Erection Movement is based in those Radical Peace Movements,” screamed the Asnian military, bloated from feeding at the public trough for so long - cultures and species hanging out of its slobbering mouth as it stuffs more in. (I’m referring to the collective Asnian military. I’ve met some individual militaries that are quite nice.)
You see, Joe, like most men, had always played sports as a child and so was afraid of intimate inner body movements. He was afraid in the normal male way of what other normal males would think of him and his inner leg movements.
His teacher exhorted him. “Don't be shy with your manhood! Thrust it out! What are you afraid of? We are just a bunch of women, and we love it thrust out. Now point with your manhood to the right, now point to the left. Now with this same manhood why don't you draw a circle? Don't be afraid and collapse back. Thrust it out! Be proud of your manhood, your maleness, your Erection, Amen.”
Overwhelmed by this attention Joe began to perform. He thrust out his manhood.
“That was much better. Keep thrusting it out. It looks real good that way,” purred Joe’s dance instructor. “It's amazing how much you have improved. It feels good, doesn't it? Just relax into it. Push your consciousness ever downwards to the center of your crotch. Now make sure all your movement originates from there. I'll make a dancer of you yet.”
Mary didn't care about him dancing for the world. She only wanted his consciousness at the tip of his prick. She wanted him to be able to kiss her tenderly with his crotch – with maybe a little quivering to awaken her Emptiness. Realizing that this vibratory state requires a highly trained male she put Joe on a relentless training program designed to first loosen his hips, then open up his inner thighs, transfer physical consciousness to the crotch, then finally vibrating his highest inner thigh and his lowest torso simultaneously, shifting his consciousness ever outward towards the tip of his penis.
But Joe had to give in to this shaking and vibrating of his body. He had yield to Mary. At first he had resisted, as he was frightened of giving up his masculinity. But when he found nothing in Manhood, he finally submitted himself to the feminine power - accelerating his transformation. “I have made marvelous progress with Joe!” Exclaimed Mary mirthfully.
The implication has been put out that Mary had directed Joe verbally, which is true superficially. Although she did use subtle speech to enforce her deeper aims, Mrs. Schnurd's main influence came from the physical side. Instead of saying anything to Joe, she gave him so much pleasure that he began to enjoy his body, and all the pleasure that it could give him. Before he met her he was operating on the normal middle plane that most of us operate on, a little happy, but not that happy, a little contented but seeking more [ii].
After they began loving each other, those elusive ecstatic upper levels became a regular occurrence. It's no wonder that Joe gave up worldly achievement in favor of a world-class relationship. Better than any drug, healthier than any food, Joe devoted himself to loving his partner. He wanted to be sensitive and responsive. Taking advantage of this potential for joy and ecstasy Mary grabbed, sculpted, wiggled, vibrated, massaged this male body, until his psyche turned inside out - a writhing, seething, squirming mass of erotic ecstasy.
“That's good, only a little deeper in the knees. Very Good! Contract and release - very slowly now - from the middle of your body - tuck and thrust. Don't be afraid. I won't bite it. You are safe with me,” said the Spider to the Fly, as she was about to consume him in the natural order of things. Liberated by the Spider, the Fly now gets to choose a new body - a new shell for his Soul to call home on his next short stay upon this, the Planet Earth.
“I remember being a Spider and eating you when you were Fly, and you worshipping me as you finally left this insect life,” says Joe's younger daughter to her older sister.
Joe is awed and is liberated by this truth, realizing at that moment that Death is the Key to Escape from our Golden Cage called Life.
His Mother, the more practical type, says, “Come down to Earth, my son. Wallow in the Pain!”
His father laughed with a snort, “We're brothers and sisters anyway.”
The higher the fewer.
“This makes no sense, whatsoever,” belches the anonymous Public.
“It's not supposed to,” murmurs the isolated Intellectual.
[i] According to hippie spiritual mythology, the Kundalini serpent sleeps at the base of the spine, at the bottom of the 7 Chakras, energy sources. For most humans, the serpent sleeps their whole lives. For the humans blessed by the gods the Kundalini serpent awakens and shoots up the spine, through these 7 Chakras, until it reaches the Crown Chakra at the top on the skull, where you can see the baby breathe. Then one is en-Light-ened, liberated, set free from earthly bonds. This is the purpose of Kundalini Yoga.
[ii]On Professor Morris' Happiness scale of 1 to 10, Joe Schnurd was stuck in the low sixes and sevens before Mary. He wasn't even close to the ecstatic nines and tens. Every once in a while he might reach an 8, perhaps in the midst of a sporting event, or maybe when he had achieved some milestone in school. However neither his pain nor his pleasure was very deep, the one being the measure of the other. After bonding with Mary, Joe regularly pushed the 10s to new highs, while experiencing the deepest pain of his life. The numb 3 to 7s were replaced by the ecstatic 9s and 10s, linked initially with a few suicidal 1s and 2s. Such is young love.