Whew! An excruciating lesson yesterday. As I told Laurie – “Going to my execution.”
Because I had worked on some difficult pieces for just a week. As such they were very fragile – in the sense that I could play them once I was warmed up, but was a disaster if anything got in the way – more like a tightrope than a highway. In contrast Bach’s A minor Prelude and Fugue – a much more difficult piece – is far more stable – because I’ve been playing it off and on for years.
So with the fragility of my ability a fact – Nelson shattered my confidence in the first minute – less – the first measure.
“You’ve just been playing the piece - not practicing it. I know you’ve spent lots of time in front of the piece but I can hear you haven’t worked it out. You must nail down the fingerings; become married to them - not just a casual relation. Otherwise it sounds uncertain – halting.“
So what was my response?
To shut down, of course.
I had spent lots of time working on these pieces and wanted some positive feedback – better, not worse.
My website has been dying - in the sense of significant visitors. My creative life has been generally ignored by the world – including family and friends. I was hoping for a little positive feedback due to my hard work and was instead shut down. Alone and isolated., poor me. Having lost touch with Being I was emotionally invested in my Person’s life.
Obviously my vitality is back to normal because I am able to be upset again. Hooray! Hoorah!
Better to care – even in a negative way- than to be blah from depression or, even worse, from lack of focus and vitality. Bless the Gods for revealing SALT. Agitated again. How refreshing.