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12-31-07 “Are you afraid?” – “Never!”

So my Body is getting older as bodies tend to do. But Brain is just as greedy as ever. Body cries for relief. But Brain screams louder – More – More. Unfortunately all this occurs on subliminal levels unbeknownst to me. Looking in the mirror I don't see my real self, but who I think I am. The Idea rather than the Reality. Casually glancing, not taking a good hard look, I see a hardworking waiter victimized by circumstances beyond his control - in this particular case understaffing, which causes me to work beyond my capacity – leading to adrenal overload, which means restless nights – waking up too early – before sunrise after going to bed after midnight and then crashing in the afternoon. This overextension also puts stress and strain upon my ligaments and joints - leading to injury and illness. Body is not happy.

However the understaffing also leads to more money – fewer people to share the pot with. So Brain is happy – being that he’s into that kind of thing. Not entirely distorted he knows money has the capacity to make Body happy. But as an anal analytic he loves entering the big numbers in his books – ‘more than ever’’  - ‘biggest paycheck yet’ – ‘That’ll make my wife happy’. So his agenda is mixed. But the three digit nights beginning in 2 or 3 make him smile –even though Body is moaning and questioning the meaning of life, contemplating a complete breakdown to force her hand.

Of course Brain plods merrily along – almost oblivious to Body’s suffering. But then one day I took a little longer look in the Mirror and saw a devilish face I had never seen before. Perhaps it had to do with a catalyzing conversation I had with Andy, my restaurant manager.

“Looks pretty busy tomorrow, Calling Leah into help out?”

Andy: “Watsa matter? Are you afraid?”

Me: “No. Never” as I bristled at the is assault on my courage and hence my Manhood, Or should I say, Brain, who had co-opted Mind with a knee jerk conditioned response, bristled

But something was not quite right. I turned the Light Around – illuminating Brain’s shadows, a least some of them, and uncovered some dirt. ]

“Afraid? Where have I heard those words before? Afraid? Oh yes. My Scottish ancestor 6 times removed had been challenged in a similar fashion nearly 3 centuries before – and had responded similarly to my present incarnation – with even more disastrous results - in that it lead to the devastation of the MacLochlin clan and their subsequent dispersion to the New World of the Carolinas.”

Curious as to the specifics?

In the early 1700s a member of the German aristocracy became king of England in a bloodless coup. As a moderate Protestant he was invited in as a buffer against the Catholic kings, who had been deposed and beheaded. Bonnie Prince Charles, who belonged to the deposed line, went to Scotland to lead a revolt against these Protestant Germans – ‘to restore the rightful king of England to the throne.’

My ancestor, who was head of the MacLochlin clan, balked saying, “It will never succeed. The English hate us, the Scots, more than they do the Germans. They will never rise up in support of this uprising.”

Charles: “Are you afraid?”

My ancestor: “No. Never.”

Charles: “Then you’re with us?”

Reluctantly my ancestor: “I will fight on your side to prove my courage. But mark my words – it will be a disaster.”

He was right. With the aid of the English aristocracy the Germans crushed the revolt, punished those clans, who had participated, and rewarded the clans who didn’t. – Curse the Campbells. – My ancestors migrated to America – specifically North Carolina – all because of pride. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

So the personality characteristics of this ethno-genetic connection – one of my past lives from the direct family line, were transmitted faithfully from generation to generation - all the way to me. Time to let this aberrant concept die a natural death by not giving it any energy. What happened? Read the next entry.